我以为, 但我还是放不下

突然, 想起那场恶梦. 那永远都会是我的恶梦, 直到我们分手的那天.
其实我还是放不下, 那么多年, 还是很介意.
虽然当局者你, 或许都已经放下了, 但是我还是不能.
不知道介意什么, 其实自己想的, 自己知道的, 你很爱她, 非常非常爱, 爱到无可救药.
你在部落写的东西, 虽然只是看了一次, 但是每个字, 每一句, 我都记得一清二楚.
你说: 只有她, 才会让你怎么有感觉, 整个人坐立不安!!! 没有想到你们分开了一年, 但是, 原来她还是在你心里最深处最深处的地方, 你是真的真的很爱她, 很想念她, 她的喜欢, 她的不喜欢, 你都记得一清二楚.
我看到我真的很痛, 没有人能了解到底有多痛.
一直以来非常爱, 自以为他也只爱我, 非常爱我的人, 在那杀那竟然..

就如我常说的, 我有时侯真的感觉不到你对我的爱, 你对我的在乎.
我知道在你心里, 你对她的爱, 是无法比较的, 没人能拿来比, 你也不会拿来比.
在我心里, 她在你心里是处于很高很高的位置. 你一直都在保护着她, 我真的觉得自己很傻!
你不会象以前将爱她得爱一个人. 为什么我还要对你那么有感觉? 对你坐立不安? 对你喜欢的, 不喜欢的都记得一清二楚??!
你以前对她的爱, 是独有的, 最深的, 最不理智的, 那我呢?
如果相比起来, 你真的比爱我更爱她的话, 就告诉我, 放开我吧, 我真的感受不到你对我的不立志, 坐立不安, 你的在乎, 你的所有, 一切一切都比不上她!!!
我越想越不开心, 告诉朋友, 其实不是很在乎这件事, 都那么久了, 时间会冲淡一切.
但是其实心里, 她是最大的恶梦.
要我放下? 其实是很难的一件事, 可说是不可能, 每次说相信你, 但是我真的放不下.
其实我真的很怕, 不是怕她, 是怕你, 真的自以为的你, 和现实的你, 在那杀那, 顿时变得很陌生, 到底你是不是我自以为觉得很值得象SH一样爱着的那个? 还是其实心里深处还有着很爱的另一个她的那个?

为什么我要知道那么多? 我是个很犯贱的人, 我往往很喜欢知道一些我不想知道的事情!
我很爱比较, 你会不会爱我比爱她多? 爱我爱得奋不顾身?
以前常常逼问你, 到底有多爱我, 到底会不会爱我到老, 现在想起, 觉得自己很自私.
为什么要控制别人来安慰自己? 他爱你, 不用逼, 他爱你, 他会让你知道他有多爱你, 他有多需要你, 他没有你会有多痛苦.
虽然没有什么恋爱经验, 但是我真的知道, 当初你没有她, 你过得很辛苦.
是否, 因为她, 你再也不敢放身去爱? 是这样吗?
如果时间能从来, 我真的希望我不要知道那么多, 也希望她能知道你对她有多有感觉.

生活

虽然没有什么头绪想要写些什么, 但是就是很想更新我的部落格.
最近开学了, 有几位同学都没有继续读. 但是继续读的多过没有继续的.
我们PR从10班变成5班, 所以我们参进了B2的朋友, 多人了
不知道为什么, 有些不习惯, 有一些生疏的面孔, 虽然上lecture是常常见啦! 哈哈
不知道为什么就是不喜欢问问题了, 以前在diploma时常常问问题
就连老师都说: 啊yan! 啊yan以前很喜欢问问题的哦, 现在做么酱diam?

得到时间表后, 真的很不开心, 可是星期五的课还算不错, 到12点吧了.
其它的都有个很长的break, 时间就那么浪费, 钱也是.
可是暂时两个星期的break都过的不错,
昨天才和同学去打羽毛球, 很累, 流很多汗, 但是很开心, 做运动是很好的.
希望每次的break time都能一起去做运动还是做些什么的, 不要回家睡觉啦.

说到我的老板呢, 之从9/15号见了老板后, 到现在, 如果不是因为要做工的话, 我想我们就不会见面到今天.
你不想念我么?! 一两个礼拜才想见我一次? 我讨厌你! =(

之从放假那段时期常去做工后, 很多offer, 但是因为读书而不能去做.
谁不爱钱? 看着那2/3百酱, 慢慢得的飞走. 几心痛啊!
还有一些因为早前答应了另外份工而不能做工钱比较高的工, 也是很心痛啊!
每次告诉自己, 没关系, 我是个学生, 不是freelancer! 不要因为眼前的快前, 忽略了我的学业.
而且我该把时间留给家人. 星期六日就是我常做工的时候, 也是我爸爸妈妈唯有的假期. 真矛盾下.

♥ Between Us ♥

Yeap, this post is about my darling and me.

Every september is a very big month for me and him, especially this year

This year september 11th is LWk 21st birthday. wootz!

Sad to heard from him that every year of his birthday, there will be no celebration, because his birthday always drop on the school holiday since kinder-garden until now! =(

This year I bought 2 present for him and treat him a meal for his 21st birthday.

Everytime people received present from me, i will felt really nervous because i really worry to see his expression and feeling when he open the present. I wish he like the present that i gave him.

So once i arrived tangkak, my darling brought me to MUAR hello kitty cafe! 

The cafe was not that special as i expected, is just a normal dessert house, just the decoration is kinda special and attractive, but the price were okay. The side dish and 1 dessert cost me around RM10 only.

The location i provided too. Make sure to do more research before u go, because we almost spend more than 1/2 hour in the same area to find this cafe. 

On his birthday, we went to Malacca for movie and korean dinner
The Dinner cost me around RM140, i though it was cheap actually, because we ordered quite alot of things. The price is okay for a korean dinner.
BUT, as a normal meal, it is FREAKING expensive!!
but i felt really happy to had a try on it. I think he like it too.
This restaurant call Daorae, they have alot of branches in KL too.
Might go and makan again ^^

( U SPOTED THIS? their exhaust fan is very close to the grill, so our shirt and hair never smell, u know la. BBQ, ur hair and shirt sure KENA! )

This is the present i gave him, an 1pieces puzzle and a braun buffel wallet. 

On the september 15th 2012, is our anniversary, this year is our second anniversary

is very important for us, because! last year we never celebrate! nothing at all!! =(

but actually, when we said that a special occasion and we need to do something special to celebrate it.

we actually do not have any idea what to do. Right?

And yeah! we wear spongebob couple tshirt on that day, hehe! (he bought it)

Darling, me and u have walk throught 2 X 356days. I really hope i can love you for my life.

Sorry to love a girl that easily get jealous, get angry, mad for no reason, act like a princess and wat so ever. But i also hope u know i REALLY love you! ♥♥♥♥

Chew Chew Chow tofu

曾几何时，我慢慢开始喜欢吃臭豆腐．以前总是觉得它臭到死，不知道豆腐有什么好吃，而且还要是臭的．
之从两年前，朋友让我试了一口后，就慢慢的觉得它其实＂臭得很香脆＂
臭豆腐的味道配和它特别的辣椒酱，真的很不错．不喜欢吃的人，其实真的可以试一试．

我现在可以说是２个星期就吃一次，以前都是去PM吃，６个１０个得吃．我疯狂吗？
直到我朋友发现在kepong有一间outlet，里面的臭豆腐有很多种味道，不只是单单原味而已(辣椒酱+香脆臭豆腐)
虽然比PM的贵了一些，但是对我这种疯狂的人来说，只要吃到就好了．
普通PM都卖４块 = RM 2.50
这里卖４块 = RM 3.20，对豆腐来说的确有点贵，但是如果把她当小吃，其实价钱是不错的．
昨天带了一位不吃臭豆腐的朋友去吃，她也觉得很不错，比想象中的味道轻微很多，可以说是一点都不臭．刮目相看！
MENU里它有几个是去到必试的！
有兴趣可以去试试，location我已经post在这里了哦．

with mayonnaise and Italian style的很不错 

读书生涯

终于回来了，部落很有问题，之前一直开不到．看不到following的部落．

之从５月开始，都很常做一些freelance job，所以有点外快．
其实目的是要存钱买所要买的东西，要去的地方．但是还是还没有买到要买的
以前大概就前一年，心里总觉得早点毕业出来做工就好，可以赚钱，买自己要的东西．
可是现在，想到以后没有得放假，一个星期重重复复得做一样的东西，吗被老板吗
我读的系是公关，做event的都是熬夜，前几次，因为不够睡，一直生病，连续食物中毒了两次，吃什么就呕什么，我的最大的恶梦
真的很怕

我的读书生涯已到一半，diploma已经正式告一段落
过几个月就可以带四方帽了！
有些同学没有继续读advance diploma，所以考试的最后一天晚上
通知了所以同学穿红色衣服拍张全体照

以前一起去马六甲２日１晚

一定会想念大家

一起迟到上棵的时候，＂关心＂大家有没有去上课的时候，一起吃东西等下堂课的时候，一起熬夜读书做功课的时候，一起，一起，还有很多一起．永远都不会忘记

最近FB出现了一个page，post了很多关于TARC的东西，真的很贴切，很多东西我身为一位TARCIAN，真的一看就懂了，身位TARCIAN的你们，你懂了吗？去看看吧～

http://www.facebook.com/DareToSpeakBSJYJ

Jayesslee

A duet group that i have love them for sometime. i think almost 2 years?

Jayesslee, they were youtube star as they posted their very first video on youtube
and so they collected for more than 12,000,000 views! Im one of them =D

officially missing you - Jayesslee (go have a look)

They are twin that mixed Australian and Korean. The way they sing had amazed me.

Guitar and just acapella are my favourite. That exactly how they do.
I learn alot from them.

I feel so comfort when listening to their songs.
Usually, they sang some hitz song with guitar version.
The outcome is good and feel lighter with the guitar effect.

Try to have a look and subscribe them =)
bet you won regret

their youtube link : http://www.youtube.com/user/Jayesslee

This is the way their do it. 

simple but yet nice. 

they are beautiful twin 

They are coming on this coming saturday =(

i missed. im working on that day.

i hope they will come soon, as in reallt SOON! 

i wanna go for their live 

Taman Negara

Hi, bloggers, Im here finally.
Last month, my last post but was"nt about my life, is just some feelings that have no place to be share.
So today, Im gonna update about my recent life
The one that i wanted to highlight is i went to TAMAN NEGARA at PAHANG
For me, it was a very tough tough tough place for us as we really do hiking in cave, walking in the jungle where there are mud everywhere
We went to canopy walk, deer land, elephant land, boat riding to the orang asli area.

Papa and mama

Sisters and i 

When we are in the cave, this part is best part 

Canopy Walk 

Random, but i thought im looking good! 

LOL 

The moment when everybody felt bless after having a tough walk in to the cave