I Don give a damn

I seriously do not understand, how could they survive in this house.

So freaking dirty, So freaking messy.

Okay, if you all did not give a damn, same goes to me.

Have a nice day and thank you.

May you die in this freaking dirty house. 

They eat and wipe the salt or whatever shit on the floor,

they throw their unwanted water or rubble strip on the floor,

they throw their shopping stuff on the floor until they want to wear it the next time,

they throw their socks on the floor once they got back from school,

they throw their books and homework on the floor and also their bags once they need it they take it up.

So typically, they actually did not have a cupboard, or wardrobe to put their stuff,

they only have the floor as their wardrobe.

Enjoy and have nice day.

I am very very very calculative, Yes i am

If you don give a damn why should i?

Yes, i can just wear my slipper everyday in my house, 

i also can put my own bags and stuff on the floor ON your bag.

I also can throw my unwanted food or the packet food packet on the floor, and also used tissues everywhere.

This is my house, yes, i will continue staying here for 1 month and i will go off.

Wish you all good luck and enjoy with this house. 

I don give a damn if you din. thanks 

I will improve, i am trying

Is raining days recently, almost everyday was raining.
For me is a good thing as i am staying at home most of the time, i really enjoy this kind of weather when im having my sweet time on my bed and with my TV.

Recently spending is still going on, laptop, face, food and also for my future studies on coming may.
I earn and there come the spending.
After i done my thesis - final project for my advanced diploma life which is my last studies in Malaysia.
i am rotting in my house and waiting for job come once in a while.
Thesis, a project that every student must be done before they starts to work.
Thesis, a project that every student hate, that need to spend midnight time to work on it although they spent the entire day time.
Thesis, a project that cause student view more than 100 websites to get research, references and also words.
I seriously hate this stupid project, does it taught me anything after all? I din see much but only how to search online and how to do references and citation. ==

So after this stupid project, work come for myself. I am workaholic, why? because i like money. Duh? Who hate money isit? But i am scare to wear high heels. My pelvic problem is getting more and more serious.
The more i stand, the more i can feel the pain. Whenever i stand too long, i can feel my pelvic moved and some movement will cause pain!

I always dreamed, i need to dream to sleep, Get what i mean? I always need to imagine a story or situation before i sleep to lead me to my dream and sleep. They said this is not good, is not a good sleep, i did not actually rest my self.

Something happen in deep of my feeling,
Whenever i am alone, i think alot. Even though i am not alone, i also think alot ! LOL
I care, i get jealous. I always thought we are best friend, i though you were close to me, but? I see secret and i see something i cant understand happen between us. I saw some unknown message between you and another one. I felt so unhappy. LOL, sounds like i like her isit? haha, but i think thats what bestfriend should feel.

As a public relations practitioners, i am failed, i cant handle crisis, whenever crisis come, i will put blame on other. I will start complaining that the others cause this problem. Complain that why do the others does not being understanding, why the others does not being tolerate with each other.
But standing as the PR, why should't i be firmed and calm and settle the situation?
I want everyone to be happy, sometimes, i just cant handle it well, and make many people disappointed and sad. Haih............... I will improve, I am trying.

While working today, a staff chatting with me, and he asked what does you study? me: public relations, he: then what does you want to be in future? me: pr lo, social with others. communicate. he: but you yourself does not like to talk how does you gonna approach others and engage communicate with them? me ( start thinking, am i really not sociable? am i really not easy to engage) WHAT A BIG FAILURE WHEN ME MYSELF WANNA BE PR WHEN I CANT TALK? FML TO THE MAX
I am so sad when i heard what does he said, it was not a bad thing, but it really hurts me. I thought..........
Many questions appeared in my mind, Many negative comment and many situation appeared.
What i really do in my life? How does the others think about me? Am i really does not know how to communicate? Who am i? How can i survive in this mass communication industry if i am not sociable?
What im gonna do? What i need to do? How i need to act? Put down my heavy pride? I tried, but is hard.
Yes, i will improve, I am trying.

World is cruel.
Keep go on.

Something happen on someone in sometime

hmmm.. new year, new dream? new move? new vision? I think so.
But for me, I am still chasing my money for my life in United Kingdom.
今年年头，刚过完年。现在没有读书了，可说是没有去学校上课，呆在家里做thesis。
是蛮喜欢的，但是会想念学校，朋友，那种feel young的感觉。真怀念，我快不是学生了。

看到男朋友去了新加坡做工，我唯一每天都在期待的是赶快毕业去和他一起做工。
虽然现在还是一样，可是，回头看，身边的朋友。真的真的很让我舍不得我读书生活。
Work? I do not wish to work in office, but I wish to work in event line, another but i wish to have 8 hour sleep per day. Is a that greedy?

现在在等成绩，没有什么忙。很多东西想。

每个月的经期又来了，骨头又开始痛了。真的很痛，心更加痛。
22岁人，为什么别人可以穿高跟鞋，可以翘脚坐，盘坐，侧睡。我呢，什么都要直。
天真的很公平，我承认自问自己生活过的很美满，所以天要给点苦头我吃。
我，骨盆不正，经常酸痛，经常走路不正确，我甚至怀疑我有长短脚。
我很沮丧，我很伤心。

不孕的可能？我能做什么？我的未来能怎样？我怎么告诉我未来的老公？未来婆婆？
还是我真的就因为如此就孤独终老？

是，我想很多，我就是个很悲哀的人。总是想到最坏的一面。我真的想像不到以后的我。
很喜欢小孩，能怎样？该怎么办？

Many things to do,
Teeth,
Eye laser,
Backbone,
Face laser. All of these are actually an extra, however, in life, we always chasing for extra when we already have it.

This is life.

Good luck to myself in future.

#nowlistening
#saysomething

Love is unpredictable

Recently, i saw alot of of my friend get engaged, broke up with boyfriend, get married.

It was somehow very very surprise for me, during my age of 18. My cousin's cousin get married because of pregnant. Sign, should i said that's too early? Or am not that open?

Maybe is just me myself, i think that getting marry in 18-20 is still too young for me.

While i am still enjoying my life with no worry with no pressure to take, no burden to carry.

I got to tie myself with another 1 forever? Hmmm...

Some of my friend broke up. The relationship was not like 1 year or 1 year plus.

Is like 4 years minimum. It was very shocking!

In my thought, i always wanted to find a person that i could walk through until the end of my life.

I thought the relationship will be maintain after 2 years and he might be the one that i can hold forever.

But, in the reality, it is not what i thought.

The longer the relationship go, the higher the risk of broke up.

Many of my friends, those who i thought, or not just me. That everyone thought that they will be getting married very soon. Or fore sure they will marry in future.

However, they are the one who will not marry or be together at last.

Throughout the experiences or the witnesses that i have gone through.

This broke up case that keeps happening around me, makes me questions myself.

Am i going on the right way? I am the person that wish to have everything plan and wish it happen as what i plan.

If it never goes what i thought, better for it not to start.

Every time we talk about future. It really seems that we have a clue about our future.

A lot of confident between us and i believe that our relationship will last forever.

However, problem that we could not solve, we even plan about break up in future.

He seems like very calm and easily accept the fact of breaking up. I felt so heart broken and i really wish to stop this relationship immediately because of his answer.

If you are not holding this believe why am i want to start?

The one who be with you for 4 years 5 years or plus will never be your husband.

The one who be with you for 3 months 4 months will the right choice.

That's why people always said :在错的时候，遇上对的人，在对的时候，遇上错的人。

The one you love the most will never be your forever partner.

The one who be you meet for 3/4 months who best SUIT you are not the one who you love the most.

When you find someone who you think is really suit, regardless time, you both will wish to get marry immediately.

This is life. I should always apply this theory around. Lol

November and December

就在11的时候，她结婚了。我的好姐妹，终于找到她爱的人和他共度一生！

话说，我是第一次做姐妹，虽然没有经验，但是还算扛的起气氛。

那3天2夜，真的很累，但是很开心，我们一起起身，一起等冲凉，一起出门，吃饭，睡觉之前，一起聊天。很久没有这样做了，3年前，就是这样，但是现在，我们也没有变。

现在希望能看着她宝宝快高长大，干妈一定买很多衣服给你穿的，让你做个fashion baby!

读书就告一段落了！读了3年，下个semester就开始不用去学校了。该死的thesis真是累人，每天都要改改改！每个星期折磨我一次，每个星期要特地去学校，见那位不想见的老师5分钟不到，他真的是很大牌！

下个semester,就只剩thesis,所以没有上课了。但是还是要每个星期回学校见老师。不用紧啦，好过上课。

这学期很累，很无奈。

那科叫public relations & advertising and marketing.最无奈的一科，有位很奇怪的老师。

明明说好上个学期过后就没有event了。只有一个随便的launching.

因为我们亲爱的老师的一句话：你们不觉得单单launching,media不会来的吗？

结果，就突然被逼着要搞event,加上我们手上的thesis.真的是想杀死她！

她要就要，不要假假来问我们拉！明明都有想法了，真是奇怪！

也就因为这个event，让我看清一些东西，人物。原来友情是那么脆弱的东西。

还是他们根本没有把我们当朋友？很'yihei' 哦。。。

过了这个event,我们就变了，一切都变得很虚伪。想到就觉得可笑，可怜。

怎么能那么伟大？佩服。

可能我太过在乎了？我真的有点失望，为什么你们会变成这样？

让我有点不知道要怎么对待你们。2月的旅行，我要用什么心情去？

我觉得我自己很虚伪！LOL...

希望2月的旅行能让我变回以前那样吧。不然3个月一起生活的日子要怎么熬过呢？

说到3个月生活，也就是去英国的生活。我本人很期待！辛苦做工了4年，都是为了那天！

这四年来，每次的诱惑，每次要买不必要的东西是，我都会一一拒绝。但是有时候，还是花了。哈哈。我答应自己，到了那边，一定会花完自己那么辛苦赚的钱。我不会不舍得！我会很很很舍得！

还有，我想说。那些人经常说，你们有钱人当然可以去那边花完那些钱，我们这些穷人只是想要完成读书拿证书回来。千万不要这么说！

不需要在人与人之间装可怜，因为是你自己让自己看起来很可怜。

对不起，我是不会可怜你的。

因为钱，是努力赚回来的。

你没有钱，就不要没有买有的没有的，花不应该的地方，

每天去做工，而不是每天去吃喝玩乐。好笑吗？

你一点都不可怜！

现在我最害怕的是，去到那边，会不会因为住在一起而吵架。希望不会。

今天是Christmas eve， 男朋友去星加坡作工。今年的圣诞，跨年，都没有你了。

又没有朋友一起度过，顿时觉得还蛮可怜的。

但是无所谓啦，真正可怜的人，是自己一个人，在远方，没有朋友没有家人在身边的人。

我应该感到自足，但唯一遗憾是，身边的朋友都很忙，而你也在那么远。

将快，又一年了，我又捞一岁了！还有6天我就踏入22了。

照常的年尾，钱永远不够。因为要考试，没有做工，而且很多朋友生日。

一个月同时3个一起来，不伤都假。还有那么多庆祝，真的很伤啊。

我不是没有钱，对不起我时常把没有钱挂在嘴边，其实我是已经花超过自己预算了。

所以不想解释那么多，就说没有钱咯。

这个学期，照常的年尾，当大家都在准备过年，过圣诞，TARUCIAN都在准备考试。

可是幸好这一学期，我们还有机会过圣诞与跨年。但是偏偏我又选择不庆祝。真是矛盾！哈哈

有3科考试，其中一科，我遇见了一位好老师。

他很体谅，assignment,exam,全部都直接给我们答案。

所以那张纸，没有问题! 还有两张，慢慢看吧。时间还很多！

够了啦，因为太久没有写，所以一次过写那么多，记下我的生活，以后可以看下我有几幼稚。

希望22岁的我能变成熟，变理智，不要那么骄傲，自以为是，为英国赚大钱，那好成绩！

加油！

21st November in my life

Its been awhile, so many things happen recently.

The love one came back, and he went off again. 

So fast 5month has over, but the night mare started. 

He is going to Singapore for his future, so the coming monday,

which is tomorrow, he is going to start his first day.

I did not know what should i say.

Very happy that he able to find the job, but 

very sad to being separate with him for 1 year. 

It suppose to be the time where couple have their sweet time,

enjoying their previous moment. But im alone. 

I felt very lonely sometime. It seems that im very happy

most of the time. But inside, nobody know. 

I wish the time pass faster until the month of May for

me to UK. 

Besides, is the month of november, is my birthday.

I purposely lock my birthday date at facebook to see 

who do remember my birthday. I am very glad that most of my friend 

remember it! Im glad to have you all. 

So the first celebration was with my classmate. The very first time, 

all of us hang out until morning. From 6.00pm until the next morning 8.00am. 

It was a very special memories, i will always remember. 

I suppose this is the last time we hang out till the morning in KL? 

Looking forward for our next memories before we graduate. 

Seriously appreciate you all.

So it comes to the second celebration with my deariest VIPs

I would like to thanks everyone of you all because i know 

we are from different place, south, east, west bla bla bla.

Thanks for the corporation to make this happen. 

I know you all piss off and argue for my birthday. 

Felt sorry but thank you also for all of the effort and surprise.

Its been awhile to see all of you all and enjoy this funny and crazy moment 

with you all. PS: do not celebrate at FRIDAY because it is freaking crazy.

I felt so happy but shy at the same time!

Last with my bitches, bring me to Bangsar Village for Plan B. 

Saids is brunch but we do it on 3.15. LOL high tea with brunch food?

We order to the max. Ended up we full up to the tank!

Nice meal and so we went to Baskin Robbin, at first wanted to go for 

Dip n Dip. But it was too crowded =( Nevermind, next time!

Enjoy the moment with you. Its been awhile for us to catch up too 

because we always met last time, now i think twice a month already 

is good for us. Thanks for the present that i kept mentioned!

haha. Love it so much. I wish we keep meeting weekly or twice a month okay? 

And with my family, although mother is flying off the work, 

but thanks for the sweet sweet cake. 

At least we have the cut cake session together before mommy fly to work.

So followed by Sam and the gang, i know we have lost contact for sometimes.

But thanks for the effort calling each of the friend.

At least to have a catch up and sing k session.
Enjoy your life in New-Zealand. 

Lastly on my actual birthday, with the one and only one.

I received the present 2 weeks before. Thanks for all of the present.

I like it so much and thanks for the meal and nice day.

Love you so much. 

Thanks for all of my friends for the present and celebration. 

You guys make my 21st birthday with the wonderful foot stop. 

自问21年来，自己有什么遗憾。顿时想不出。

自己去外面住也住过了，自己独立去做工，自己赚钱。

成绩也算自己满意的，朋友都很好，暂时没有背叛，没有出卖。

家人健康，感情稳定，找到对的方向，未来还算在预算当中。

I will continue to run for my life and make my life as colourful as i can.

No one will affect my future life.

No matter how hard, how tough it is.

I will bear with it, until i achieve what i want !

信心 1/9/13

最近放假了, 钱继续努力的赚, 努力的找工作.
但是最近钱财上遇到瓶经. 之从上个学期, 很少做工后, 都一直找不到工作.
现在只能慢慢的看着自己的钱包, 越来越薄, 银行里数目, 越来越少.
非常伤心.

不开心, 真的很不开心.
一直以来, 我都是个很有信心的人, 无论是什么事情上.
我都会包着很有自信的心态去做.
但是, 每次每次都因为自己做不到. 让我感觉很失落.
一直以为自己是行的, 但是不见得真的是行的!

我很好胜, 我永远都要赢, 如果输了, 我就会自爆自气, 或是做些不服输的东西.
很讨人厌, 一点体育精神都没有.
我知道这样是不对的. 过度有信心, 是自恋. 过度好胜, 是刁蛮.
我就是喜欢比较, 什么都要拿来比较.
无论是钱, 成绩, 朋友, 才能, 感情, 男朋友, 还有......都爱拿来比较.

最近因为放假, 不断得在找工作,
好胜, 爱比较的我, 又回来了.
看到朋友不是比我资深的, 不比我好看的, 得到那分工作, 我会感到非常不爽.
非常不开心, 为什么, 为什么, 为什么, 几千个为什么?
为什么她可以得到那分工, 为什么agent对她那么好, 为什么她工钱比我高?
为什么她就是那么多工作, 多到不用特地去找工作, 为什么她可以不去面试就能得到那么好的工作. 为什么我每天努力的找找找, 和send send send profile, 都没有人来打电话给我?
顿时觉得我自己真的很可怜!
我只是要有工作啊, 难道那么小小的愿望都那么难实现吗?
我不是没有努力啊, 我很努力, 天天得找, 天天得send, 但是什么成绩都没有!!!
真的非常不开心, 不爽!!!

每次都问自己, 真的有那么差吗? 自己真的有那么糟糕吗?
就真的要面对现实, 我, 陈紫茵 真的其实不适合在继续做工? 不适合在继续找这些工作?
为什么是我? 我真的不明白! 为什么别人可以???? 为什么我就不可以??

每次每次的信心都被打败了, 让我非常担心我的未来.
一直以来, 自己想好的, 篇好的未来, 到底会不会又被打败呢?
自己想的东西, 到底我是不是就不要想那么多?
可是如果不想那么多, 我怎么把握我自己的未来呢?

我能怎样? 我到低头能怎样?