I will improve, i am trying

Is raining days recently, almost everyday was raining.
For me is a good thing as i am staying at home most of the time, i really enjoy this kind of weather when im having my sweet time on my bed and with my TV.

Recently spending is still going on, laptop, face, food and also for my future studies on coming may.
I earn and there come the spending.
After i done my thesis - final project for my advanced diploma life which is my last studies in Malaysia.
i am rotting in my house and waiting for job come once in a while.
Thesis, a project that every student must be done before they starts to work.
Thesis, a project that every student hate, that need to spend midnight time to work on it although they spent the entire day time.
Thesis, a project that cause student view more than 100 websites to get research, references and also words.
I seriously hate this stupid project, does it taught me anything after all? I din see much but only how to search online and how to do references and citation. ==

So after this stupid project, work come for myself. I am workaholic, why? because i like money. Duh? Who hate money isit? But i am scare to wear high heels. My pelvic problem is getting more and more serious.
The more i stand, the more i can feel the pain. Whenever i stand too long, i can feel my pelvic moved and some movement will cause pain!

I always dreamed, i need to dream to sleep, Get what i mean? I always need to imagine a story or situation before i sleep to lead me to my dream and sleep. They said this is not good, is not a good sleep, i did not actually rest my self.

Something happen in deep of my feeling,
Whenever i am alone, i think alot. Even though i am not alone, i also think alot ! LOL
I care, i get jealous. I always thought we are best friend, i though you were close to me, but? I see secret and i see something i cant understand happen between us. I saw some unknown message between you and another one. I felt so unhappy. LOL, sounds like i like her isit? haha, but i think thats what bestfriend should feel.

As a public relations practitioners, i am failed, i cant handle crisis, whenever crisis come, i will put blame on other. I will start complaining that the others cause this problem. Complain that why do the others does not being understanding, why the others does not being tolerate with each other.
But standing as the PR, why should't i be firmed and calm and settle the situation?
I want everyone to be happy, sometimes, i just cant handle it well, and make many people disappointed and sad. Haih............... I will improve, I am trying.

While working today, a staff chatting with me, and he asked what does you study? me: public relations, he: then what does you want to be in future? me: pr lo, social with others. communicate. he: but you yourself does not like to talk how does you gonna approach others and engage communicate with them? me ( start thinking, am i really not sociable? am i really not easy to engage) WHAT A BIG FAILURE WHEN ME MYSELF WANNA BE PR WHEN I CANT TALK? FML TO THE MAX
I am so sad when i heard what does he said, it was not a bad thing, but it really hurts me. I thought..........
Many questions appeared in my mind, Many negative comment and many situation appeared.
What i really do in my life? How does the others think about me? Am i really does not know how to communicate? Who am i? How can i survive in this mass communication industry if i am not sociable?
What im gonna do? What i need to do? How i need to act? Put down my heavy pride? I tried, but is hard.
Yes, i will improve, I am trying.

World is cruel.
Keep go on.